Well hello there. Haven't updated this in awhile, so after a few beers I thought i would. Cause im sure i left all of you just teeming with anticipation for my next entry.

Well anyway, suppose I'll get a few things out of the way. I didn't get into the school I was applying for, to no surprise of my own. Its a bit hard to explain myself regarding this topic. A part of me truely believes that, if I had tried harder, I would have gotten in. If I had made that circle a bit more concave, that line a bit more straight, and that muscle in check with another, I would have shown the knowledge necessary to get in. However, there were times when I was so disgusted by my own drawings, that instead of trying to fix them, I just ended up using pathetic attempts anyway. Now, that makes no sense, I know. It has to do with contempt for myself, that if I could have produced something that bad, I might as well show them - display to the world the dredges of my skill. Call it self sabotage I guess. I think I read into everything too much. I should really take a different approach next time.

Haven't had much taste for doing "art" lately. Not sure why, the desire to create has kind of left me. A combination of laziness and distaste for my own efforts. While on one side, I can really marvel at what I have created, the other side is wrought with contempt for the failed attempts to express myself. The flames that were once so blaring with heat, are now only a vacant fire pit full of ash and burnt out logs. It feels like that the one thing I invested in to get myself ahead in this world, wasn't really what I should have spent my time improving. Like it... was a mistake, a misleading path I took with the illusion that it would lead me somewhere. I'm no artist. An artist creates with passion and joy. An artist sticks to improving their craft, persevering as they trade food in for paint. All I can attest to is disgusting attempts to quench my own desire for self-expression. Which I seem to fail at each time I start.

This is all very sad, yes yes, its another depressing blog entry on this series of tubes. But have no fear, I'm far ahead of you on the deserving, vindictive sadness that comes from self doubt and pity. Whining doesn't get you anywhere but where you are already, its true.

Okay, moving on.

I've been looking for a job recently, along with many other people these days... the news keeps telling me I wont be able to find one. Oh economic woes make for great headlines.
So I applied to a few places, pestered them, to no result. Just gotta keep looking I suppose. Though I fear i'm falling into my old cycle of setting out to do something, only to stumbling around, pack up and go home. Though the extra money would be real nice, maybe even consider saving up for that motorcycle i've been wanting for sometime. Not that i've ever ridden one before... Who knows, I could hate it for all I know. But it sure looks nice, being able to save gas and ride around on two wheels. Maybe I can get over myself and just apply to Vons, I hear they're hiring all the time.


As far for my future, its still quite cloudy. But... I always take solace in one fact: I have no idea whats going to happen. Not one of us truly knows what the next day may bring. Though, I suppose we can always watch the weather channel, and place our bets on a percentile.

But weather is for people who have nothing else to talk about.